From: Amanda

From now on, any requests for “grapes” “strawberries” and “juice” will be answered with the management’s favorites of Nacho Cheese Doritos, Swedish Fish, and Dr. Pepper.  Also, it is imperative that you throw a fit next to the frozen french fries instead of the broccoli.  Your “snack foods” of pretzels, 100% juice fruit snacks and string cheese are no longer allowed in the house.  The management would appreciate your support in this matter, as she is unable to productively avoid cleaning up your simultaneous games of closet destruction, peanut butter art, and 852 card pick upwithout a little stress relieving guilty food snacking.  And whereas, she is a selfless being who would never, ever, ever, buy food for herself if she is the only person in the house who likes it, you must develop a taste for her favorite foods, in as much as you request them at the store.  After that, you may forget about them promptly. 

Become one with Veggie Tales until Mommy is showering, preparing dinner, or replacing a tampon. 

Adhere to Mommy with no less than five parts of your own body.  Player loses 5 points for failing to wipe a bodily fluid on mommy.  Player loses 10 points for attatching to Mommy without whining, screaming, and or chanting “But I needed chocolate milk that is PINK.”  Players earn points only by growing additional appendages for the duration of the game.

Game ends when Mommy straps everyone in the car so that each child is contained.  At this point, players must simultaneously switch to the ever fun “Make Residence Inside Mommy’s Ear Drum” game.   Any player who falls asleep–ever–loses. 

Dee has no hair.  So I have a vast collection of bows attached to pantyhose that should prevent the “What a cute boy you have” syndrome if she’d actually leave them on instead of ripping them off with an urgent fury and then wrapping them around her neck.  

However, this morning she rubbed banana all over her head (she’s a genius and I wrote all about it in her baby book) and the banana dried in her peach fuzz while I conviced Lena to wear you know, clothes.  So I yanked a bow over the cemented banana (because the banana was totally clashing with the carrot she had rubbed into her shirt) and we were off. 

And this, people, is why my girls will never be prom queen.